The Hat 2: The Hat-ening
by ShinyMewGirl
Summary: While trying to catch Wander and Sylvia, Lord Hater fails. Again. But he does manage to get one thing: the hat. Of course, it doesn't give you what you want, it only gives you what you need! What will a hot-headed guy like Lord Hater do about the Power of Love in his hands?
1. In Which Wander Loses His Hat

"I HAVE YOU NOW!" the skeleton overlord shouted.

Lord Hater had been pursuing Wander and his trusty steed, Sylvia, for over twelve hours. He just HAD to catch Wander and torture him and hear his screams of agony to complete his remix and-

"PLEASE, SIR, WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF GAS!" Commander Peepers begged his boss. "YOU CAN LOSE THIS ONE TIME!"

He replied, "I'VE BEEN LOSING TO HIM FOREVER! NOT! THIS! TIIIIIIIIIIME!" He had the ship's crane hand reach out to catch him.

At that moment, they ran out of gas. Lord Hater's space ship crashed face-first into the ground (Then again, the ship was his head). The Watchdogs on board all flew into the walls and mumbled angrily among themselves.

The orange figure hopped up with his blue friend into a large bubble. "Later, Hater! Thanks for the game of chase!" Wander shouted back.

Hater exploded, and quite literally, too. Bolts of green lightning sparking from his fists, he thundered, "WANDER ALWAYS WINS! IT'S NOT FAAAAIIIIR! I'M THE GREATEST OF ALL THE GALAXY, NOT HIM!"

His pal tried calming him down, "Sir, at least you caught his hat! Now you can hang it up on your trophy shelf!"

"I DON'T LIKE HIS STUPID HAT!" he roared. "AND I DON'T WANT IT!"

"M-Maybe it has gas in it, or something that could help us!" Peepers suggested. His eye showed hints of worry.

Lord Hater suddenly exclaimed, "I KNOW! Maybe it has gas in it, or something that could help us! What are you waiting for, C-Peeps? GET THE HAT!"

"Why do I still work here?" Peepers sighed and trotted out to retrieve the hat.


	2. In Which the Two Learn of the Magic

"Sir! Sir! The hat really did have some gas!" Commander Peepers shouted.

"FINALLY!" Lord Hater roared. "I'm fed up with waiting! I was this close to resulting to cannibalism!"

"S-Sir, it's only been a few minutes and it's 'resorting t'-"

"DON'T CORRECT ME!"

Commander Peepers suddenly said, "Wait, did you eat all of the surplus food?!"

His boss pushed away a large pile of potato chip bags marked "EMERGENCY" under the dashboard with his foot.

Peepers slapped himself in the eye. "Sir, now you'll be hungry when you really do need food! Have you ever considered THAT?"

"I'll make sure to get you first."

"Why not Captain Tim?! He's been doing nothing productive all day! Sir, he hasn't been doing anything productive all year! Eat him!"

"I'll have you know there's only been, like, ten mysterious disappearances since he's got here."

"That's MORE than before, sir!" Captain Tim, a large spider-like creature with big lips and fangs, screamed at Peepers and started biting his arm. The commander yelled and started ramming his arm into a wall. "KILL IT!" he shouted.

Hater cooed, "Aww. . . He likes you!"

"LIKE ME FOR LUNCH!" Peepers yelled and finally flung the monster off. "Now, I'm going to go refill the fuel tank, and you j-just sit there sulking or whatever."

"I don't sulk!" he sulked.

* * *

"Sir, the can had just the right amount of gas! Just what we needed!"

"Yeah, yeah, good job, Peepers," Hater said, clicking away on his video game. The screen on it went dark for a moment, then a happy Wander leaped out of the dark to hug him. Lord Hater screamed, "DEAR GROP, THESE HORROR GAMES ARE SO TERRIFYING!"

Peepers flinched before replying, "Sir, don't you find it strange that Wander's hat had just the right amount of gas in it? Even a little?"

"Pure coincidence," the tyrant said. He was checking a virtual camera (for some reason) to protect himself from the virtual Wander. Wander was gleefully smiling at him on one of the screens. Suddenly, the screen went black and a low-battery symbol popped up. "COME ON! I ALMOST WON!"

"Maybe the hat will help!" Peepers recommended. He only got a mean glare back. "I-I mean, zrebdank, how disappointing!" When his boss wasn't looking, he reached into the hat and yanked out some bandages. "How's this supposed to help?!" He tossed them aside.

That's when a Watchdog stumbled in.

"SIR! CRAIG FELLA ON TOP OF A HOT GRILL IN THE FOOD COURT WHILE YOU WERE CHASING WANDER! WE NEED BANDAGES, ASAP!" he shouted. That's when he caught the bandages. "Uhh. . . Thanks!"

"Huh," Peepers wondered as the Watchdog hurried out. "It gave Laurence exactly what he needed. Sir, Wander's hat must be magic! It gives us whatever we need!"

"WELL, I NEED BATTERIES!" Lord Hater said. He pulled a book out of the hat. The cover said, "How to Manage Your Anger Issues". He roared and flung it away. "PEEPERS, YOU BROKE IT!"

Commander Peepers told him, "Sir, it gives you what you need, not what you want!"

"THERE'S NO DIFFERENCE!" he whined.

Peepers stared into the hat, "Maybe there is."


	3. In Which Wander Becomes Aware

"PEEPERS! WHAT ON THIS SHIP DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

"S-Sir, the Watchdogs-"

"WHY DO YOU HAVE THE HAT?" Lord Hater shouted.

Peepers had been giving out things to the other Watchdogs. Most of them were medical supplies or tools, with the occasional guidebook. He held up his hands defensively, dropping the green, floppy hat. It seemed to be smirking at the situation.

"Sir! The hat always gives us what we need! Everyone got hurt during the chase, and it has the right amount of lotions and whatever!" Commander Peepers responded. "Isn't that technically a good thing?"

"IT'S NOT GOOD BECAUSE IT'S WANDER'S!"

"S-S-Sir-"

"GET RID OF IT!" he growled. Green lightning danced around the room.

Peepers quickly tossed it to the side. The Watchdogs scattered like leaves in the wind. One tripped and several more tripped on top of him. Eventually there was a large pile of soldiers in the one-eyed army.

"This hat is quite obviously useless!" Lord Hater hissed to himself. "I mean, if it belongs to Wander, it's immediately useless. Worthless. Grop, if the furry drumstick hadn't had the Zbornak as a friend, she'd be useful! Not worthless!"

A stray Watchdog peeped into the room, "I heard you went on a date with them onc-"

"SHUT _UP,_ STEVE."

* * *

"Sylvia? Where's my hat?"

The blue creature got up from her nap. It took her a moment to process the words. The she sighed, "Of course, it's missing." Sylvia forced herself up on her feet. "Let's make this quick. When or where did you last see it?"

"You don't remember?" her orange buddy gasped.

"To be honest, I try not to pay attention to the hat. I still don't like it. Now answer my question so that we-"

Wander swiftly recalled, "Last seen during the chase with Lord Hater on-"

"Wait, Lord Hater? Grop, we're doomed."

"Nooo, we're Sylvia and Wander."

She picked him up and, looking directly into his eyes, stated, "Look, Wander, this might surprise you, but Lord Hater doesn't like you! He-"

"LOVES me!" Wander finished and hopped onto her back. "C'mon! We gotta go to my best buddy!" Sylvia began to step away, but then Wander stopped her right in her tracks. "AFTER we help these ants carry their meal!" he said, getting off and stacking crumbs.

"This is gonna be a long day."


	4. In Which Wander Orders Lunch

"Wander, we've helped ants carry their lunch to their little tunnel, glued a glass woman who broke into, like, a zillion pieces back together, cleaned an entire city. . !" Sylvia yelled. "You're stopping to order lunch for an entire academy? Why do you think they're starving?! Do you even have the money?!"

"Why, if the cashier takes hugs as payment, then I've got plenty to spare! So how many hugs is equal to two thousand five hundred seventy-nine galactic dollars and ninety-nine galactic cents?"

The Zbornak put her head in her hand. "This isn't some sort of sugary fantasy of yours, Wander, this is reality. Nobody takes hugs as payment for anything! Why do you think those students have no money? Grop, you're going to get in so much trouble. . !"

The cranky cashier lady looked at her flaming cash register, which spontaneously burst into flames when they hit over a thousand galactic dollars. She squinted before replying monotonously, " That'll be two thousand nine hundred eighty-five point. . . twenty nine. Wh-"

She was cut off by a certain leaping orange furball. "One hug for you, ma'am! Pass it on!" Wander shouted at her.

The girl immediately appeared happier and smiled, "Oh, why thank you! Nobody is ever nice to us!" She gave Wander a part of his huge order. "The rest is outside on a truck. I hope you enjoy your meal!"

Wander hopped onto a dumbfounded Sylvia. He closed her mouth and said, "C'mon! We gotta deliver it before it gets cold!"

* * *

"PEEPERRRS!" Lord Hater roared. "GET IN HERE."

"Y-Yes, sir?" Peepers stuttered. He saluted.

Lord Hater held up the hat that he'd accidentally received. "This hat just may be useful after all!"

"That's what I have been trying to tell-"

"DON'T INTERRUPT ME! I was just trying to find the lame-o-est planet to blow up that I could find when suddenly the useless sack dropped a map on top of one of the buttons and zoomed the ship too far. I was going to rip it to shreds, but then I realized that the map had a list of Wander's friends on it! We could take those people hostage and threaten to kill them unless he gave up!"

"Th-That is not the intended use, sir-"

"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT INTERRUPTING ME, PEEPERS?!"


End file.
